


Incomplete

by Mareel



Series: Indiscretion [8]
Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Developing Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, Season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-01
Updated: 2014-07-01
Packaged: 2018-02-06 23:52:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1877190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mareel/pseuds/Mareel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"In my life, I love you more." – <span class="small"> Lennon & McCartney</span></p>
            </blockquote>





	Incomplete

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place on the night after the Season 3 episode "The Shipment". It follows the events of [Invitation](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1838233), and is Malcolm's voice.

 

__________________________________________________

I hope I did the right thing.

Back in my quarters after slipping out of the Observation Lounge, I feel a touch of my usual tendency to second-guess myself. Jonathan didn’t say anything after I kissed him – it’s not typical for him to ever be left speechless. 

I know it must have been a surprise to him, coming seemingly out of nowhere many months after he first expressed his interest. It feels like a long time ago, that evening here in my quarters… saying no to him was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it felt like the right thing, the _only_ thing, to do at the time. 

And now, tonight, I needed to let him know I’d come to a different decision. Then I had to leave it up to him to decide what to do about it. I think I just needed to be honest with myself… and with Jonathan. To finally find the courage to give him the answer he deserved to hear all those months ago. Every day here in the Expanse is dangerous – any day could be my last… or his. I don’t think I could live with myself if he died never knowing that I love him.

I can’t, and I _wouldn’t_ , change the time I shared with Trip, though I don’t know if he’ll ever understand that. But I’ve been living in an empty place, caught between the two of them, trying to avoid any interactions beyond the professional. 

Today, down on that Xindi planet, working closely with Jonathan to investigate the kemosite manufacturing plant – and to determine its fate – it was impossible to maintain the façade. He needed me as more than a security expert… he needed a confidant, a sounding board. He trusted me, genuinely wanted to hear my thoughts, wanted me to challenge his assumptions. And he deserved more than Malcolm ‘by-the-book’ Reed. 

I don’t know what he’ll do now that he knows. I felt the connection between us, both down on the planet and tonight in the lounge, but I wouldn’t blame him if he just wants to keep his whole focus on the mission, not to get involved at this point. It’s been rough on him out here. He's carrying the whole weight of trying to literally save our world from destruction. There are days when I don’t _like_ the Captain he has to become. But I still love the man, and I hope he will come to me here tonight. It might make us both stronger to face the uncertainty of the future together. And I need him. 

I told him tonight that I’d never been able to forget his light touch to my shoulder that night when he found me alone and hurting and wanted to help. It touched a place much deeper in me – my heart.

__________________________________________________

 

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  _Though I know I'll never lose affection_   
>  _For people and things that went before_   
>  _I know I'll often stop and think about them_   
>  _In my life I love you more._   
>  \- The Beatles "In My Life"   
> 


End file.
